There’s a lot of sadness in the world. I feel it, I hear it, I sense it, and maybe even more than the people feeling the sadness, I realize it.
I feel this sadness around me, I see it, a lot of it – the one that people are suppressing and the one that they’re learning to deal with assuming that’s the way life is and they just need to accept. I see it in people that are close to me, in strangers crossing the street, parents picking up their kids at school. Their faces, their energy, it looks and feels sad.
The best part of aging and growing older for me so far has been the wisdom that has accompanied it. I feel wiser, more mature, more accepting of life and the challenges that are part of it. I have learned to accept a lot of things in the last year or two. I’ve learned to let go and be more accepting in general. But if there’s one thing I will never accept, it’s going through life with a sense of sadness that permeates everything in my life. And I almost want to call it a state of unhappiness more than a state of sadness, because although they are by definition the same, unhappiness sort of feels different, more accepting – or perhaps more temporary. But the temporary state happens so often that it becomes more permanent than not. It becomes the norm, more than the exception. It becomes life, and that is sad.
One thing I’ve noticed people do that I’ve never had the ability to do is turn off or suppress feelings they don’t want to deal with. I really don’t know how people do this. How they just accept these feelings and suppress them if they don’t want to deal with them. I’m being literal when I say this, I really don’t know. I’ve never been able to do this. I am intense and passionate and with regards to my emotions, it’s no different. If there is an emotion I don’t enjoy, I have to suck it up. Don’t know how to turn it off, shut it off, ignore it. Lord knows often times I wish I could! As someone who’s never been able to do this, I think having this ability of suppressing unwelcomed emotions is a blessing. On the flip side, those emotions stay bottled up inside you and eventually come out, right? They're not dealing with them; they’re stored somewhere for a while. A state of numbness kicks in. Denial, some would call it. I have to say, when presented with the alternative, I’d rather feel it intensely, as painful as it might be, than not feel at all. I want to think I’m strong enough to handle it, and really – we all can be, and we need to prioritize working through the tough emotions so we get better at it and good emotions can surface. How to do what? Well, I don’t have a magic ball with the answer that would work for everyone, but I do have a habit that has worked for me. I never thought of it much until recently, when I mentioned to my best friend how I start my days, every single day.
First thought that pops into my head, every single morning, is “what will make today a great day?” I go down my inventory of things I’ll have that day – meetings, kids’ school pick up, lunch with a friend, coffee, workout… Depending on the things I’m dreading or not looking forward to, I’ll add things that will balance those out. If I have a meeting I’m not looking forward to having, or not in the mood to spend the entire afternoon being a referee between my kids, I will make sure I have something that will brighten my day. I absolutely always need to have something I’m looking forward to each day. Sometimes it’s coffee or lunch with a friend, other times it’s a workout, or writing at a cafe. Some days I plan on a movie, or drinks with my husband or a girlfriend. Or maybe on any given day I just feel like being home with my kids after school. Each day is different, which is nice, but identical in one way – there needs to be something I look forward to and that makes my day special and fun. This is an absolute must for me and something I don’t compromise at all. It’s not an effort to think about this every morning, I just do. And it’s an effortless process because all it takes is the right planning and coordinating, which happens pretty spontaneously, so no need to have particular planning skills. You see, the key thing here is that you need to make happy happen. Happiness is one of those things that you need to make happen in your life, it doesn’t just come to you. You make happy by taking a job you like, marrying someone who you love and loves you back, surrounding yourself with people that lifts you, spending time doing things you enjoy, and knowing when to change some of these things or add new ones. Just like you make a grocery list, and make your bed in the morning, and make your kids’ lunchboxes, and dinner at night, you need to make happy too. It’s interesting to me that even some of the best planners in life, who make a living planning and coordinating, won’t plan for this. People with a bunch of degrees, who excel in many areas of their lives, quite simply don’t prioritize this. Not prioritizing making happy is a projection of how one self-prioritizes – or not. Please, let’s not undermine how important being happy is. Happiness is becoming so underrated. It really is time to turn that around. For you, for me, for the planet. Happiness is contagious – unhappiness is too. Which one would you rather spread? :)
